Are you a male character in a Jane Austen novel?

Mallory Ortberg has a brilliant take on a similar question, written from a largely female point of view. So I wondered, how might a man tell if he’s living in a Jane Austen novel?

• You once proposed to a woman and it did not go as well as expected. To say the least.

• Your sister is in love with your best friend, who is in love with the sister of the woman you are in love with.

• You own a library.

• You find it difficult to talk to people below your station in life, which is just about everybody.

• You behaved dishonourably in the past, but this does not stop you marrying well.

• Your lot in life is largely determined by the fact you have an elder brother. Your only realistic career options are the church, the law or the army.

• Your good opinion once lost is lost forever.

• You grow apples and strawberries, but have people to pick them for you.

• The woman you love is attracted to a man with charming manners who you know to be unworthy of her, but your sense of honour prevents you from telling anyone.

• That same sense of honour caused you to keep silent on a delicate matter. In retrospect, things would have been a LOT easier if you hadn’t.

• You understand muslins particularly well.

• You do not like freckles.

• You have described your future wife as “tolerable”.

• You have difficulty communicating your true feelings verbally. Fortunately, you have exceptional letter-writing skills.

• You’re not as dashing or exciting as your rival, but are hopeful the woman you love will recognise your true qualities. It takes a while, though.

• The woman you long considered a mere friend or cousin turns out to be the love of your life.

• You are an officer but never do any actual soldiering.

• You think nothing of proposing to a woman you met about a week ago.

• A woman who once rejected you out of hand is now stalking you. She has even been inside your house while you were away.

• Nobody ever uses your first name. Not even your aunt. Or your best friend.

• You are single, in possession of a good fortune, and in want of a wife.